No monkey! The baby orangutan who came after was as big as an adult chimpanzee.
Here's how it all went down.
Yawning with a very full Thanksgiving feast in my stomach, I left my car and was approaching my front door when I heard honks produced by someone, well, some thing squeezing a very old-fashioned bulb horn.
And that little bulb horn went "Ooga! Ooga! Ooga!"
Me dino turned to see an orangutan on a tricycle barreling straight at me.
I tossed my cane at it, missed and hobbled best I could forth to unlock my front door.
Instead, my hand ended up gripping my pocketed concealed carry as "Oo-oo-oo's" interspersed with blood-curdling screeches filled my ears.
And that bulb horn was still squeaking "Ooga! Ooga! Ooga!" also. Oh, the sheer horror!
I thumbed the safety off just as I swung my gun about to acquire my target.
The orangutan simply snatched my gun out of my hand. Then it began to shoot my gun all over the place while going completely ape Schiff.
Meanwhile, I managed to unlock my door and slip inside.
I called the police and told them precisely what happened in a concise consecutive manner just like I wrote countless incident reports as a state corrections officer now retired.
The cop on the phone had this to say and I do quote him, to wit: "Thanksgiving ain't Halloween and it sure ain't April Fool. Call again with such Schiff and I'll be sending a car over to pick you up."
Then he hung up without even saying goodby. How rude.

Great!...still waiting to hear from N.