Olympic Bronze medalist - MeToo a decade past
I have read several discussions about the validity of the MeToo movement. One of the major discussion points has concerned whether there should be a time limit on these accusations. While I think that some of the accusations are spurious and intended as excuses or attention-getters, this one sounds real.
I think that this case is an important touchstone because if a Bronze medalist in the Olympics can have her claim disregarded and, in retribution, her life destroyed for having dared to make the claim that her coach abused her it illustrates what women risked for speaking up. This sounds to me like a high caliber person who was destroyed for her honesty, because it was inconvenient for the organization.
Jan
I think that this case is an important touchstone because if a Bronze medalist in the Olympics can have her claim disregarded and, in retribution, her life destroyed for having dared to make the claim that her coach abused her it illustrates what women risked for speaking up. This sounds to me like a high caliber person who was destroyed for her honesty, because it was inconvenient for the organization.
Jan
I was furious that the colonel let the major off, so I decided I would punish him in my own way. As the section security officer, I decided who would get the extra duty of collecting classified material to be taken to the destruct facility. I arranged for everyone to hold back on their destruct until the major's time came up. He got stuck hauling hundreds of pounds of paper goods each time. Needless to say he wasn't happy about it.
When he finally came to me, he still hadn't realized the whole office was enacting revenge for his misdeeds, and instead said I was obviously an incompetent security officer, screwing up the destruct schedule. He was red faced and spewing spit as he yelled at me, saying he could manage my job better than I could. At that point I came around my desk, grabbing him by the collar and marching him to the colonel's office, saying I thought he deserved the chance to tell the boss how we could improve the destruct sequence. I came to the colonel's door, saying "Sir, Major _ has some very good suggestions about how to improve our security procedures, and I think you should hear him out," still holding the major by his collar. Seeing the colonel's astonished look, I let the major go. The jerk was so dumb he was gleeful I'd taken him to the colonel, and proceeded to give the colonel details on how we should change our procedures. The colonel listened, thanked the major for his ideas, and the idiot left with a grin on his face. As I turned to leave, the colonel asked me to come back. Expecting a possible charge of assaulting a superior, I instead found out he had learned of my plot, said it was a brilliant move, and said next time I should use more "decorum" and not drag a superior officer around by the collar.
The secretary was moved to a higher post out of reach of the offender, and he failed to make promotion to lieutenant colonel. Today he'd face a stiffer reaction, but at least some kind of justice prevailed.
BeenThere
You fought the good fight.
I have some stories...
Jan
The irony? The guy stopped his behavior. And, years later we are on good terms. I bump into him once in a while and he's always very kind. When I had him backed up to his desk I was literally seeing red (I thought it was just a saying...it's real).
I cannot stand to see women assaulted, taken advantage of. And, the biggest mystery to me about the Weinstein and Cosby stories is that these guys went through probably hundreds of women and the only story (ONLY ONE!) of a man confronting them is when Brad Pitt stepped in. WHAT IN THE HELL?! WHERE ARE THE MEN!? How, after all these years, these guys not turn up in public with their teeth knocked out? My dad said, "Maybe these ladies liked it(?)" Honestly, I have no idea anymore...But, a few of my buddies tend to adhere to the theory that there are very few real men left in our society. I'm leaning that way, too.
You understand the essence of chivalry: that a prerogative of having strength is to use it to protect those who are weaker than you are. This is not just physical strength, of course, the woman you protected might have gone on to get her MD and perform a pro bono operation that saves your life; she may have become a lawyer who takes your case against great odds. There are many ways of being "6' tall/ 220lbs and a boxer"!
There is also an option to 'not' use your power for good and another choice to use power to be a bully. The people we are reading about or - as you point out - not reading about are people who have made the choice to be bullies or to do nothing.
I am concerned that women are using this MeToo to unjustly brand men who are innocent - women can be bullies too.
I have taken to holding doors open for people and giving my seat on shuttles to older people. I note that the men around me are not doing this, as a rule. That is their choice; this is mine.
Bravo for you for stepping in. I am glad that there was such a wonderful and ironic coda to your story.
Jan
I am regularly reminded that might still equals right for most people. It's a disgusting realization. Just recently, my little daughter was being bullied. She's the littlest girl in the class, and the bully is the biggest boy. I thought back on my youth and I never remember boys bullying girls. My son, a few grades up, overheard our conversations about this and took it upon himself to confront the bully. I only heard about it through the grapevine. My son's very kind, but a blackbelt in karate. When confronted, the bully just denied he ever did it. I told my son, "That's because he's spineless and won't own up to what he's doing" (a concept foreign to my kids). When my son was bullied (while still very disabled in 1st grade, mind you) I just said I'd take it up with the other kids' dads. That ended it. I remember one dad taking a look at me with big eyes and (also Persian...) the kid immediately stopped.
The men in my family have a tradition of fist fighting. Unfortunately, they also have a tradition of cheating on their wives. I ended one trend, at least...haha....
Mandy had the courage to file a formal complaint about her coach's actions. In return, the Taekwando organization threw her out and condemned her. A grad student who is told "Cooperate or you will never work on a dig again." probably was correct in thinking that the threat was real. If you can intimidate a bronze medal martial artist, you can probably intimidate most grad students.
The threat certainly was real in Mandy's case. Her life was ruined by her filing a complaint.
Jan
That's why it doesn't make sense to me. It may be hard to understand for me because I've never been in a situation like that. You say these people have a credible threat to ruin someone's life. I certainly do not excuse their making someone feel uncomfortable and abusing their position, but it's so hard for me to see the people they're mistreating as victims.
And we are talking about kids who've been training since they were five or six for this opportunity. When you are surrounded by people desperate to get the spot you are trying for, the temptation to "let it go" has to be high.
That said; it is difficult to accomplish much when you are working against egos who want to protect their status and are willing to protect others that are evil to maintain the status quo. Moving a bureaucracy is nearly impossible as almost everyone you come up against is more interested in protecting the perception of who they are rather than tackling those who could actually cause you discomfort (I would not refer to the loss of a job as harm) in your job or personal life. Sometimes the only one who knows you told the truth is you. It is still important to do what is right.
I knew about the archaeology grad students, and I knew they were real (from about 3 years ago); this was also a lot quieter (unless you were an archeologist/anthropologist, in which case it turned your world upside down).
Jan