It's my fault. It's all my fault.
I need some help. I need to know who I can grovel to, apologize to, make reparations to.
I’m a conservative straight white male (which, according to the libtards, make me guilty, guiltier, and guiltiest, and more guiltiest). Evidently, I’m also a purveyor of systemic racism. I mean, I am a white conservative, and all conservative whites are racist, so I must be part of the problem.
I thought that the girl putting Gorilla Glue in her hair was just an act of stupidity. I thought that since it was a conscious act on her part, that she assumed sole responsibility for being a dumbass.
But no, I was wrong. According to our lords and masters in the media, it’s my fault, not hers. From USA Today: “Brown’s circumstance may be on the extreme end of the spectrum, but it speaks to how little people understand when it comes to Black hair care and the trials Black women have to go through to find adequate products.” And when I try and point out that Gorilla Glue is in the hardware section and NOT the hair care section, I’m still guilty of racism (also from USA Today): “The reality is that sometimes Black women need to venture outside the hair care aisle to find products that work. Mayonnaise, olive oil, and avocados are all used for hair styling purposes.”
Properly rebuked by the media, my culpability in this matter is only reinforced by some of the rocket scientists and brain surgeons who also have Twitter accounts. Here’s an example: “Given the history of how black women are targeted and still battle the pervasive belief that our natural hair is unprofessional, unkempt, or in some way ‘a statement’, pls show her some grace and understanding.”
Finally, even though I assumed that she opted to put this crap in her hair, the genius herself also pointed out that I was wrong about that: “It’s not by choice, no. It’s not by choice.” So evidently, in some way, I made her put Gorilla Glue in her hair, I guess because I’m white. And conservative. And straight. And male.
Now that I think about it, I’m surprised that Gorilla Glue itself hasn’t been accused of blatant racism because of the name of its product.
We. Are. Doomed.
I’m a conservative straight white male (which, according to the libtards, make me guilty, guiltier, and guiltiest, and more guiltiest). Evidently, I’m also a purveyor of systemic racism. I mean, I am a white conservative, and all conservative whites are racist, so I must be part of the problem.
I thought that the girl putting Gorilla Glue in her hair was just an act of stupidity. I thought that since it was a conscious act on her part, that she assumed sole responsibility for being a dumbass.
But no, I was wrong. According to our lords and masters in the media, it’s my fault, not hers. From USA Today: “Brown’s circumstance may be on the extreme end of the spectrum, but it speaks to how little people understand when it comes to Black hair care and the trials Black women have to go through to find adequate products.” And when I try and point out that Gorilla Glue is in the hardware section and NOT the hair care section, I’m still guilty of racism (also from USA Today): “The reality is that sometimes Black women need to venture outside the hair care aisle to find products that work. Mayonnaise, olive oil, and avocados are all used for hair styling purposes.”
Properly rebuked by the media, my culpability in this matter is only reinforced by some of the rocket scientists and brain surgeons who also have Twitter accounts. Here’s an example: “Given the history of how black women are targeted and still battle the pervasive belief that our natural hair is unprofessional, unkempt, or in some way ‘a statement’, pls show her some grace and understanding.”
Finally, even though I assumed that she opted to put this crap in her hair, the genius herself also pointed out that I was wrong about that: “It’s not by choice, no. It’s not by choice.” So evidently, in some way, I made her put Gorilla Glue in her hair, I guess because I’m white. And conservative. And straight. And male.
Now that I think about it, I’m surprised that Gorilla Glue itself hasn’t been accused of blatant racism because of the name of its product.
We. Are. Doomed.
All the movies are right.
Adam and Eve always white.
Of this never lose sight
That white makes blight
Blight no one can like.
So white go take a hike.