"Let’s do it for the duly elected commander-in-chief, who was born on third base and blames the world for not just scoring it as a run. Whose entire “military” service consists of a private boarding-school diploma and five draft deferments. Who used the commissioning ceremony of the Coast Guard Academy’s graduating cadets to bitch about the media’s coverage of him, when he wasn’t confusing the Coast Guard with the Navy. Who couldn’t stand still or remember the words for the National Anthem at Arlington on Memorial Day next to his secretary of defense and Joint Chiefs chairman (but he’s still pretty sure NFL players of color who don’t show sufficient anthem-patriotism should be fired). Who doesn’t have a clue what evening colors are, but surmises they must be for him. Who accessorizes with troops. Who likes “people who weren’t captured;” tells Gold Star families he’s “made a lot of sacrifices;” calls safe sex in the 1990s “my personal Vietnam;” and blames “the generals” for battle casualties."