I Met Toohey's Intellectual Daughter Today
I've had quite a day. My father invited several of his friends over, and they brought their grandchild. Usually, I am a kid person; I like their curiosity and their playfulness. I didn't think until today that I would truly loathe a 6-year-old child.
She is a spoiled brat. She has been raised with an iPhone, a iPad, a Leapfrogger, and everything she wants on a silver platter. I was assigned to the unfortunate task of entertaining her while the adults talked.
First, I invited her to look in my room, in order to get her out of the living room. In the hallway, she saw my collection of stuffed animals (which I don't touch, but still love dearly) and begged to have some of them. I said no, over and over, and finally got her into my room, where she saw my large collection of medals hanging on the walls. She gasped and said, "Wow, you won all of that!" I was starting to forgive her because she admired achievement when she asked, "Can I have one?" I was pissed. I looked her in the eye and asked:
"What did you deserve to get a medal?"
She paused for a second, then said:
"I never win ANYTHING!"
Isn't it crazy that this spoiled little girl thought that was an adequate explanation? It's even crazier that in a mere 24 years, this girl could become a senator and start advocating for the newest plan of ultimate equality: "achievement redistribution."
After that, she begged to have some of my other toys; I surrendered two model cats, a unicorn, and a jolly rancher in order to shut her up. I felt guilty for my toys, like I had betrayed them by indulging her selfishness. It was hardly 10 minutes later that she lost interest in them (although she revived later in order to play with me for two. straight. hours). I wonder how long my beloved toys will stay intact? A week, maybe? She doesn't appreciate the kind of emotional investment I put into my toys as a kid. She didn't even thank me.
Although that was the worst part, we went downstairs and started drawing pictures. She was bossy and entitled. She kept saying things like, "We're having fun, right?" "I'm so glad you're my friend!" "Aren't you having fun?" A phrase of Ayn Rand's kept popping into my mind: sanction of the victim. I kept trying to evade the questions, hoping not to give any verbal sanction, although I felt guilty that my actions gave her a green light. All the while we were coloring she kept trying to go back up to my room; hoping to cheat me of some more of my toys, I'm sure. After I told her, frankly, nothing would make me give up more of my possessions, she said:
"How about a hundred dollars?"
I asked her what on earth a little girl like her needed a hundred dollars for. She explained that she bought things for her friends at the school store. It didn't surprise me at all that she had no respect for her parent's money, and that she thought I could be bought. I told her that some things were priceless.
After she left, I went upstairs and practiced my violin for an hour. I drilled some scales, etudes, Mozart passages, all in order to forget about it and swallow the guilt and helpless rage for my toys and my time. I was angry that she took so much of my time away, time I'll never get back and could have invested into productive endeavors. I had so much to do today; my favorite teacher's birthday is today; I was going to make a cake to show him how much I appreciate his teaching. I still need to write program notes and study for a test. Most of all, however, I was given The Romantic Manifesto as a belated birthday gift. I was dying to read it all of today.
She was a nightmare and I still feel horrible, but right then I was appreciative of the upbringing my parents gave me. I was taught the true meaning of money. I was taught to be polite and to value honest interactions with other people, and not electronics. Most of all, I was taught the value of achievement and hard work.
If you made it to the end of this, congratulations! I apologize for writing so much. To all grandparents and future grandparents: Although you may have limited time with your grandchild, do your best to prevent them from turning into this hellish little girl. Parents: You are the ones with control. Teach your children your values. I pity this girl, because she wasn't taught any better. Don't let the public schools spoil your precious child's ideology and mind. Take their learning into your own hands and teach them in Ayn Rand's footsteps.
She is a spoiled brat. She has been raised with an iPhone, a iPad, a Leapfrogger, and everything she wants on a silver platter. I was assigned to the unfortunate task of entertaining her while the adults talked.
First, I invited her to look in my room, in order to get her out of the living room. In the hallway, she saw my collection of stuffed animals (which I don't touch, but still love dearly) and begged to have some of them. I said no, over and over, and finally got her into my room, where she saw my large collection of medals hanging on the walls. She gasped and said, "Wow, you won all of that!" I was starting to forgive her because she admired achievement when she asked, "Can I have one?" I was pissed. I looked her in the eye and asked:
"What did you deserve to get a medal?"
She paused for a second, then said:
"I never win ANYTHING!"
Isn't it crazy that this spoiled little girl thought that was an adequate explanation? It's even crazier that in a mere 24 years, this girl could become a senator and start advocating for the newest plan of ultimate equality: "achievement redistribution."
After that, she begged to have some of my other toys; I surrendered two model cats, a unicorn, and a jolly rancher in order to shut her up. I felt guilty for my toys, like I had betrayed them by indulging her selfishness. It was hardly 10 minutes later that she lost interest in them (although she revived later in order to play with me for two. straight. hours). I wonder how long my beloved toys will stay intact? A week, maybe? She doesn't appreciate the kind of emotional investment I put into my toys as a kid. She didn't even thank me.
Although that was the worst part, we went downstairs and started drawing pictures. She was bossy and entitled. She kept saying things like, "We're having fun, right?" "I'm so glad you're my friend!" "Aren't you having fun?" A phrase of Ayn Rand's kept popping into my mind: sanction of the victim. I kept trying to evade the questions, hoping not to give any verbal sanction, although I felt guilty that my actions gave her a green light. All the while we were coloring she kept trying to go back up to my room; hoping to cheat me of some more of my toys, I'm sure. After I told her, frankly, nothing would make me give up more of my possessions, she said:
"How about a hundred dollars?"
I asked her what on earth a little girl like her needed a hundred dollars for. She explained that she bought things for her friends at the school store. It didn't surprise me at all that she had no respect for her parent's money, and that she thought I could be bought. I told her that some things were priceless.
After she left, I went upstairs and practiced my violin for an hour. I drilled some scales, etudes, Mozart passages, all in order to forget about it and swallow the guilt and helpless rage for my toys and my time. I was angry that she took so much of my time away, time I'll never get back and could have invested into productive endeavors. I had so much to do today; my favorite teacher's birthday is today; I was going to make a cake to show him how much I appreciate his teaching. I still need to write program notes and study for a test. Most of all, however, I was given The Romantic Manifesto as a belated birthday gift. I was dying to read it all of today.
She was a nightmare and I still feel horrible, but right then I was appreciative of the upbringing my parents gave me. I was taught the true meaning of money. I was taught to be polite and to value honest interactions with other people, and not electronics. Most of all, I was taught the value of achievement and hard work.
If you made it to the end of this, congratulations! I apologize for writing so much. To all grandparents and future grandparents: Although you may have limited time with your grandchild, do your best to prevent them from turning into this hellish little girl. Parents: You are the ones with control. Teach your children your values. I pity this girl, because she wasn't taught any better. Don't let the public schools spoil your precious child's ideology and mind. Take their learning into your own hands and teach them in Ayn Rand's footsteps.
One of my daughters is a Dagny in training. The other daughter agrees with my wife and I on many things, but she behaves like a spoiled brat once in a while. Parenting is like breaking in a horse that has never been ridden before. As growing children are capable of making more and more self-sustaining, self-generated actions (see Life in the Ayn Rand lexicon), parental control must necessarily decrease.
I must say, however, that I dislike many in this generation of children. Spoiled brats are the norm, not the exception.
One of my premises is that all individuals should be capable of making their own choices; I didn't mean that you can force them, nor that you should (it leads to resentment).
I like how you compared parenting to breaking in a horse. I may use that.
I can tell already that you are every parent's dream.
Your story is not unique. For good and bad reasons we often get assigned to tasks. Sometimes the reward is just the pleasure of recognition. There will be times when it does not work. Maybe with intellectual skills this can be anticipated, otherwise experience teaches us.
At the end of your story you give correct advice to parents and grandparents, but what about you?
Are you ready for the next time?
Consider, be open to saying -no. Do not make excuses that can be challenged, be ready to insist that you are in charge of your time. As well, you can change your mind, if the task is unpleasant, dropout, hand the child back.
If you do not straighten out a spoiled brat there is no need to feel guilt, you correctly felt compassion, but you have no responsibility.
It may have happened in the past, if not it will happen that you will have experiences with children that are delightful and productive to both. This particular event emphasizes those joys.
My experiences with children are generally good; my largest exposure is to 6 Catholic kids not raised with electronics. They're polite, imaginative, curious, and usually don't throw tantrums.
If I have a kid, I will do my best not to let him/her grow up like that.
totally spoiled, like so many people -- not just kids --
these days. . this is cultural rot, and it permeates this
society from kindergarten to Harvard. . the students
who "deserve" co-miseration and a "safe place"
because someone chalked a candidate's name on
the steps at school are suffering from the same
character deficiency as this young girl. . so sad.
they have had access to reality stolen from them.
I feel for your loss, and hers, Sarah. -- john
.
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I had a phone call just the other night from the daughter of friends. She had gone to a party and was stressed or 'anxious' as they put it these days. Should I stay even though it isn't enjoyable, should I go home - wondering who was with the youngest one if anyone should I walk, take a cab, or a bus (all available choices)?
By the third call I said time to make an adult decision. It ended uip she chose stay at the party first, go home second, walk so she had money for shopping as number three.
Good news is the 'anxious' moment had disappeared. whatever that meant.
Stick to it....your doing fine...and setting the example is the only way to 'give back.'
The result was a very frustrating relationship.
He wasn't spoiled he just wasn't meeting his responsibilities. He had manners and was not a trouble maker. In his mid 20's he met his soulmate, he became responsible, now he is the father of 2 handsome wonderful boys. He exhibits the best qualities of his mother and dad. I am very proud of him ,his hard work, dedication and devotion to provide for his young family. He is consistent in teaching his boys 1 1/2 -- 4 years old manners and it shows. I believe that we were good role models and that every individual matures at different rates. The responsibility examples provided consistently offer the best long term parental results. A six year old is just starting to learn and her poor manners likely a reflection of manners not taught or emphasized to her.
I am unclear on 1 point. Did you let her play with your toys while she was there and under your supervision, or did you 'give' them to her and she left with them.
Don't take the unearned guilt of this spoiled child. You didn't do it, and it's not your responsibility to fix it.
She took them home with her, unfortunately.
This passive voice sentence stood out to me the most. Constantly dealing with wrong-headed thinking it is part of taking care of a 6 year old. It's an important job, one that many people find mind-numbing. I see people thoughtlessly "assign" it to family members, usually females, or hire people at minimum wage or less to do the job.
It's not this six-year-old's fault. She needs constant attention and correction to understand how reality works. She probably won't get it from those electronic babysitting devices that we have kids now or from whatever random females who get roped into doing it.
That sounds like a succinct summary of the sad situation.
It's hard to know because I didn't see the mannerisms, but much of it sounds like normal 6-y/o behavior. Just a few years ago, a 6-y/o rightly had all her needs met when she cried. She's just starting to learn she's entering a stage where she has to trade with others. The concept that she should clear her dishes instead of waiting for someone else is new to her. The concept of money or how much work $100 represents is abstract and probably beyond well her. Even the concept of playing together and finding games that are fun for both parties is new to her. Kids younger than that don't really play together. I see my kids (5 and 7) working out how when they want to play different games they can play independently or find some game that they'd enjoy playing together.
You suggest the parents haven't even started teaching her this, which is sad for the child.
Dealing with kids this age is hard work. People who wouldn't expect you to do a four hours of repair work for free think nothing of assigning the task of childcare to you. It makes it harder if they don't give you clear authority to take away the electronics, set the kids straight if they hit, steal, or expect everyone to put the kids' desires ahead of everyone else's.
Unless you happen to enjoy watching 6-y/o and just have a desire to do it, it would be better IMHO for the child's guardians to call Nanny Connections or someone like them and get a nice person who at least claims to love watching and playing with children for $20/hr. Having another set of hands around wouldn't preclude you or other adults from interacting with the children.
That probably won't happen, and you're left with the unenviable choices of a) spending four hours gently reminding/showing a 6-y/o that the world doesn't revolve around her or b) just letting her zone out on a tablet and shuddering to think what not learning normal human give-and-take is doing to her development.
It sounds like you need to find a way to say politely that they need to find someone who wants to provide this service because you don't feel like doing it. It's hard to say, but IMHO it needs to be said, preferably with tact. I feel like people expect you do it because "it should be a labor of love, something you put ahead of whatever you would do with that time because good people want to care for children for the sheer joy of it." That is the beginning of a very corrosive way of thinking. I'm not sure of the best tactful way to handle it, but letting someone assign a brat to you for 4 hours seems wrong.
Which is quite likely the case. If so don't feel guilty but see if you can exploit the opening to effect positive change. It's one of the challenges adults face on a daily basis.,