Not too much of a story line hear, I just hope to engender a bit of discussion on the subject. A effort to understand my own feelings as we live through this time with my mother.

I have a certain affinity for the character of Hank Reardon for a number of reasons, not the least of which is his drive towards success. Another is the interaction between him and his mother. What a dysfunctional relationship that was. My own is somewhat similarly dysfunctional. My mother urged me to take up residence elsewhere when I was 17 years old. She was/is/continues to be a rather cruel person who only lives to take advantage of other people. In fact she seems a melding of both Lilian and Hanks mother. She is now 80 years old, in poor health because she refuses to listen to her doctors, and will not do anything except sit in a chair or lay in bed.

For the past two months she has allowed her health to degrade to the point that she cannot take care of herself and cannot live on her own. She has been hospitalized for the past two weeks and will be discharged today into a nursing home in a effort to build her back up to independence.

Yesterday I visited the nursing home where she will be taken today. While it's a bright place and the staff is very friendly and courteous, the overall feeling of the place is just so sad. A few of the residents are functional older folks who are there because they just can't tend to all things in their lives, some are, for lack of a better term, half wits rolling around cursing at each other, most are people who are just waiting to die.

I cannot take mom to our home. I will not subject my wife to anymore of her ill will than she has already endured and I know that should I accede to do that, she would soon be doing nothing to get on her feet.

My dear wife is as kind hearted soul as you could ever hope to meet and who sees no bad in the worse creature. Myself, I was taught at a young age to expect malevolence, a trait instilled by my mother that I've spent my entire life trying to defeat. When it comes to my mother, my early training is far more accurate and why I will never allow my mom to move into my home.

Those are the general circumstances. My quandary lies in what to do about as honest an assessment as I can make. Nursing room seems the only choice, cost is not even a concern and since everything is provided for her, I would not even have to go up there very often. But am I being true to the values in my heart? That's what has given me more than one restless night.