I recently heard an excellent audiobook, David McCullough's The Great Bridge: The Epic Story of the Building of the Brooklyn Bridge, read by the author. I was just sitting here thinking, "Hegel-trained Paul Roebling and his son Washington didn't build that. Why, Obama told me so."

"You're right, Mr. Obama, there was a teacher there somewhere, but not just any teacher: Georg Wilhelm Friedrich von Hegel (no, Mr. Obama, I didn't Google that), the caliber of whom your statist education system is as likely to produce, as your dumping a bunch of gears and glass into a box and shaking it till a Bulova watch drops into your palm. Washington's alma mater, Rensselear Polytechnic Institute, as we all know, is well suited to your slam-dunkin' summa cum laude student style.

"No, Mr. Obama, of course Paul and Washington Roebling didn't build the Brooklyn Bridge. You did! For this, we the American people thank you."